This Is Really Is It.
I rarely open my Facebook account, because Facebook bores me. I was about to update my status, though, so I did a quick look as well.
A friend’s post hit me right in the chest:
“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”
It’s a George Bernard Shaw quote.
The thing is, I finally have what I want. I’ve been waiting for this day for five freaking long years, and now it’s here.
But everything’s so meh. Where are my tears of joy? Where’s the indiscriminate hugging of complete strangers? Where’s my heavenly host with their trumpets and harps?
Part of me thinks none of this is really happening. I know it’s true on a mental level, but I suppose nothing has really sinked in yet. I’m still completely flipped. I’m not sure I’m doing this properly.
I’m not even at that point where I’m freaking out because I don’t know if I’m gonna do well. I don’t feel anything at the moment.
It’s more along the lines of, “yes, I’ll be teaching Asian History to sophomores in two weeks”.
That’s it.
Maybe it’ll be more real once I’m in the actual classroom, ranting and raving like a loon while my students feign attention.
For now, though, it’s just me and my catatonia again.
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